Oy. My head, it’s pounding so bad..
I swear that I hear the noises of owls screeching… concentrate Margaret, concentrate…
Wait, why is my bed moving..
“WAKEE WAKIE!”
(Margaret): “Wha.. where am I?”
(Rachel): “You’re here! YOU DOCENT, WE GOBLIN.”
(Margaret): “I don’t remember anything from last night.. wait, I remember.. margaritas.. wait, what did you call me heathen?”
(Ash): “You Docent, no?”
Crap, I was tour guide level drunk. Eh, these goblins don’t look like they’ll kill me anyway… they’re probably dumb enough where I can wing it.)
(Margaret): “Of course! I’m the best guide money can buy! Welcome to…”
Margaret peers out the side of the boat at the giant sign.
(Margaret): “Oh, welcome to Emerald Isle! Home of.. insects.. and sea shells, really this is a very odd place for a group like you, so I’m sure you all won’t be long – there is a national event going on here today.”
(Ash): “We here for event! We want to gove… vern… ern… want win prize!”
(Margaret): “Wait, Lord Markham’s tournament? Of course you can’t join that! You would need invitations, which are only sent out to the best of the nobility throughout Erathia, you all aren’t even from Erathia.”
(Jason holds out four bloody pieces of paper)
(Rachel): “Holders of pretty paper had… accident. Fell down stairs.”
(Margaret): “Why are the papers bloo-”
(Rachel): “-LOTS of stairs in ocean! Sea of stairs!”
All right Margaret, maybe they’re smart enough to kill you if you aren’t useful. Time to be useful… ngh, this would be a lot easier without this hangover..
(Margaret): “Well, let us get off the boat and speak with Lord Markham. By the way, what are your names?”
(Ash): “Me Ash. That Rachel our smart one. That Kathleen – she silent and deadly like farts. Grinning Green Goblin over there named Jason – he just always so happy and grinning!”
(Jason): “HehehehehEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEE!”
(Margaret): “Wha… why did you let him have an axe! He looks scary!”
(Rachel): “Docent answer own question.”
(Margaret): “… Ooookay. So, the door to the west leads to the… uh.. local Tavern, yeah! The tavern is a pretty safe place to sleep at night. You can even buy food to eat when you sleep outdoors. Lots of interesting people there with the local gossip – they also make some killer Sunrise Dragonslayers here, let me tell you. If you want to e-”
Wait, where did they go?
Margaret looks around, walking around the small shop district of the Emerald Isle dock area and finds the four goblins chatting up a rather old crone.
(Ash): “You old hag! You must be SMART!”
(Old Crone): “Hey, don’t call… wait, yes, of course I’m smart! I’m the wisest in all of the Isle!”
(Ash): “Me thought so. We want you join us, give us tips, tell us what shinies are. We have shinies to pay you with.”
(Old Crone): “Hmm… how about you give me all of your rings and… 5% of everything you find while I’m with you. I’ll tell you what your shinies are and give you some tips on fighting.”
(Rachel): “You sound REALLY smart! Here you go!”
(Margaret): “Wait, that’s just… wait, where did you get that many rings?”
(Rachel): “Oh, Jason had them. He found when nobles fell down stairs.”
(Margaret): “. . . let’s just go to Lord Markham before you decide to sell your invites for three green beans.”
(Ash): “They come in green?”
Margaret leads the party down to Lord Markham’s Headquarters along the water.
(Thomas the Judge): “His Grace, Lord Markham, Duke of the Western Lowlands bids you invited .. guests… I’m sorry, you must be the hired help, we need the floors mopped up by 5.”
(Ash): “Yes, we hired. We hired with invites!”
(Thomas): “That makes no sense – give me those!”
Thomas looks over the invites.
(Margaret): “I’m afraid they are authentic invitations from Lord Markham himself – these four goblins wish to participate in your contest.”
(Thomas): “Goblins! I somehow doubt Lord Markham would approve of that, how did they get those invites?”
(Jason): “HeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeHEHAHAHAHUHUHHEHEHEEEEEEE!”
(Thomas): “. . . so, welcome adventurers! We have a scavenger contest for the rights to Castle Harmondale! Lord Markham can fill in the details.”
(Markham): “Duuuuuude, you see, there’s this… castle man… it’s pretty big – a fixer-upper, but maaan… it is awesome..”
(Margaret, to Thomas): “What’s with Lord Markham?”
(Thomas): “Opium. Or Hashish. Or really anything.”
(Margaret): “Does he even know what he’s giving away?”
(Thomas): “Oh, Harmondale is a dump anyway, only a complete idiot would want that place to begin with, and those idiots aren’t capable of finding much of anything on the list.”
Kathleen places several items on the table.
(Thomas): “What is this? A red potion – the easiest item on the list – and a bow.. and some sea shells… a fancy hat… and a lute… where did you find all of this so quickly?”
(Kathleen): “. . .”
(Thomas): “Speak up!”
(Ash): “Kathleen… not talk much. She quiet. She would say that she found stuff while finding wise sensei teacher.”
(Thomas): “You’ve only been here five minutes… let me look at these closer. Well, the shell is definitely from Emerald Island, it looks just like what Sally sells.”
(Rachel): “Yeah, want another? Me have two. Sally… fell off stairs, gave them to us for help! Yeah!”
(Thomas): “Oh, the poor dear, I hope she gets better!”
(Margaret): “Um, Judge, I don’t think you under-”
(Thomas): “Now, this red potion – that I don’t need to check too hard. It is red. I’ve seen thousands. The Lute… hmm, plays pretty well, the hat is rather nice… but this bow – this is NOT the right bow! I’m sorry, you’ll just have to get me another one.”
Kathleen walks back up, takes the bow, looks dejected, then walks back to the group.
(Thomas): “That leaves the tile piece and the longbow – collect these things and the Castle shall be yours! Margaret, stay with this group and guide them on their way!”
Crap, what the hell did I just get in to? These goblins ARE the murderous sort – I just know they killed Sally, who else did they kill? Still, being with them seems a lot safer than going against them, and I’m terrible with a bow.. and something is up with that Rachel. I don’t think she’s really as dumb as the rest of them, she speaks too fluidly.