HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AFTER A LAPSE
1. Recognize that lapsing is a normal part of recovery.
I don’t say that to justify lapsing or use as a cop out when things get difficult. I say it as a reminder that your recovery doesn’t have to be perfect in order to produce results. That said, no one’s recovery is perfect. Everyone has set backs and struggles. Everyone makes mistakes, messes up, and reverts to old behaviors — not because they’re weak or incapable, but because recovery is really, really difficult. Your behaviors helped you cope with trauma and incredible emotional pain. They allowed you to numb out and they kept you afloat when you felt like you were drowning. Letting go of something that helped you survive for so long is not easy. And it doesn’t happen over the course of a few days or months. It’s terrifying, painful, incredibly challenging, and it takes time. So be compassionate with yourself and your process. You’re doing the best you can to fight this and recover and it’s all you can ask of yourself.
2. Use the lapse as a learning experience.
You can’t go back in time and change the fact that you lapsed, but you can choose how you respond to it. You can wallow in self-pity, beat yourself up, and use what happened as an excuse to continue using behaviors. Or you can choose to use what happened as a learning experience. You can look at the lapse as an opportunity to collect important information about what triggers you to use behaviors and what you need in the moment to avoid a future lapse.
3. Be curious.
Judging yourself for having a lapse doesn’t get you anywhere. It makes you feel worse and it keeps you stuck. Instead of feeding the cycle of self-hatred, treat yourself with compassionate curiosity and start asking questions:
What need did you have in the moment that wasn’t being met? Were you feeling lonely? Sad? Depressed? Angry? Hurt? Disappointed? Rejected? Invisible? Inadequate? When you turned to behaviors to cope, what were you really looking for? Did you need to feel safe? Did you need a way to express your feelings? Did you need to feel seen and heard? Did you need a distraction? Comfort? Control? How could you have gotten that need met in a non self-destructive way? And how can you take care of yourself in the future when these triggers come up again?
You don’t have to know the answer to all of these questions right now, but it’s important to start exploring and being curious.
4. Treat yourself like you would a friend.
If you had a friend or loved one who lapsed, you wouldn’t put them down. You wouldn’t call them a failure. You wouldn’t see them as worthless. And you wouldn’t discount all the progress they had made. You would treat them with kindness and compassion. You would give them a hug, remind them of how far they’ve come, and reassure them that just because they had one lapse doesn’t mean they can’t turn things around and get back on track.
Well, you’re not an exception. You deserve to be treated with the same forgiveness and love you would so willingly give to anyone else who was struggling. So when your self-hating thoughts get loud and tell you that you’re a failure for lapsing, challenge them. And if in the moment it’s difficult to be nice to yourself, think of what you would say to someone you care about and apply those positive counters to your own thoughts.
5. Reach out.
Don’t isolate and withdraw. It may feel safer, but it only perpetuates the pain you feel and keeps you stuck. In order to get back on track, you have to talk about what happened. You have to be honest with yourself and your support network. You have to give yourself permission to ask for help, use your voice, and make your needs known. Keeping secrets keeps us sick. If we want to heal, we have to break the silence.
6. Get extra support.
If you’re struggling, you deserve to ask for help. Denying yourself extra support when things start going down hill isn’t noble or self-sacrificing. It’s self-destruction, and it’s a sure-fire way to put yourself at risk for another lapse. There is nothing shameful about asking for more help. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a disappointment. And it doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you someone with the courage to be honest and the strength to make recovery a priority. It makes you determined and admirable and brave. It’s self-care and in order to get back on track and heal, it’s imperative.
7. Focus on progress, not perfection.
One lapse does NOT discount all of the days you went without using behaviors. It doesn’t make you weak or incapable or inadequate. It doesn’t make you a failure or erase your progress, and it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t get better. All a lapse means is that you were hurting so deeply and didn’t know how else to cope. It was a bad decision, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. The lapse was just a bump in your road to recovery, but it doesn’t mean you have to start all over. You’re just continuing your journey right where you left off. So don’t give up. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe, be patient, and trust that as long as you keep pushing forward, reaching out for help, and picking yourself back up, no matter how many times you lapse, you can and will recover.
Holy crap, I won with Stonehenge in #7Wonders – that’s awesome! on Flickr.
Holy crap, I won with Stonehenge in #7Wonders – that’s awesome!
Holy crap, I won with Stonehenge in #7Wonders – that’s awesome! on Flickr.
Holy crap, I won with Stonehenge in #7Wonders – that’s awesome!
Who wants to play a game called Spot the Asshole?
I’d reblog this on my other blog but people need to learn about this if they work in fast food and I have a lot of followers on my main blog.
DON’T FUCKING DO THIS, YOU CAN KILL SOMEONE WITH THIS.
seriously though, i’ve heard stories of people giving “skinny” people regular soda instead of diet… newsflash: high blood sugars make you lose weight. a skinny persom that asks for diet soda could very well be diabetic… and then if you give them regular soda, you could cause some serious damage, even comas or death. i don’t care how you feel towards a customer, GIVE THEM THE DRINK THEY ASKED FOR.
There is a coffee place near my home and they happens to serve sugar-free hot chocolate being a type one diabetic this is great because it has about half the amount of carbs. This one time I ordered it the employee rolled his eyes at me. When I got my drink I thought it tasted differently but I was with friends and wasn’t paying a ton of attention. Later my blood sugar was in the high 400s and we had no idea why, everything was in order. I had to stay up all night to get my blood sugars under control. I thought of the employee might have something to do with it. The next day I went back and the same guy was working, my mom confronted him and the manager and the guy admitted that he had given me a regular hot coco and had even put extra sugar in it. He tried to justify his actions because ” how was he supposed to know I was diabetic” and ”I thought just thought she was some chick trying to lose weight that she didn’t need to lose” He lost his job and I never went back there. But it put be in danger and if I hadn’t caught the high when I did I could of ended up in the hospital.
Something like that hot cocoa thing is ridiculously dangerous. With soda the taste is such a drastic difference that while it is still dangerous you have a much better chance of immediately realizing something is wrong.
I’ve had someone do the inverse to me. While I’m not diabetic, I do have a strong negative reaction to most fake sugars. Definitely not as bad as the above (I’m not in danger of dying), but still dangerous. For me, it is basically like someone slipping me syrup of ipecac.
Seriously, just give the person what they ordered. It isn’t hard.
Who wants to play a game called Spot the Asshole?
I’d reblog this on my other blog but people need to learn about this if they work in fast food and I have a lot of followers on my main blog.
DON’T FUCKING DO THIS, YOU CAN KILL SOMEONE WITH THIS.
seriously though, i’ve heard stories of people giving “skinny” people regular soda instead of diet… newsflash: high blood sugars make you lose weight. a skinny persom that asks for diet soda could very well be diabetic… and then if you give them regular soda, you could cause some serious damage, even comas or death. i don’t care how you feel towards a customer, GIVE THEM THE DRINK THEY ASKED FOR.
There is a coffee place near my home and they happens to serve sugar-free hot chocolate being a type one diabetic this is great because it has about half the amount of carbs. This one time I ordered it the employee rolled his eyes at me. When I got my drink I thought it tasted differently but I was with friends and wasn’t paying a ton of attention. Later my blood sugar was in the high 400s and we had no idea why, everything was in order. I had to stay up all night to get my blood sugars under control. I thought of the employee might have something to do with it. The next day I went back and the same guy was working, my mom confronted him and the manager and the guy admitted that he had given me a regular hot coco and had even put extra sugar in it. He tried to justify his actions because ” how was he supposed to know I was diabetic” and ”I thought just thought she was some chick trying to lose weight that she didn’t need to lose” He lost his job and I never went back there. But it put be in danger and if I hadn’t caught the high when I did I could of ended up in the hospital.
Something like that hot cocoa thing is ridiculously dangerous. With soda the taste is such a drastic difference that while it is still dangerous you have a much better chance of immediately realizing something is wrong.
I’ve had someone do the inverse to me. While I’m not diabetic, I do have a strong negative reaction to most fake sugars. Definitely not as bad as the above (I’m not in danger of dying), but still dangerous. For me, it is basically like someone slipping me syrup of ipecac.
Seriously, just give the person what they ordered. It isn’t hard.
Cop Threatens To Shoot Group Of Black Men For Filming Police
Screenshot of encounter
A police officer in Boynton Beach, FL. is under scrutiny after a video of him threatening to shoot a group of young black men who were video taping the encounter after being stopped for a traffic violation.Here’s the video:
Boynton Beach Police Chief Jeffrey Katz defended the aggressive reaction of his…
Hello home. I see you’re just as racist as I remember and your cops are as whacked out as I remember.
Glad I don’t live there anymore. Not that things are all that much better anywhere else here…
Cop Threatens To Shoot Group Of Black Men For Filming Police
Screenshot of encounter
A police officer in Boynton Beach, FL. is under scrutiny after a video of him threatening to shoot a group of young black men who were video taping the encounter after being stopped for a traffic violation.Here’s the video:
Boynton Beach Police Chief Jeffrey Katz defended the aggressive reaction of his…
Hello home. I see you’re just as racist as I remember and your cops are as whacked out as I remember.
Glad I don’t live there anymore. Not that things are all that much better anywhere else here…
My voice: S.D. teacher shortage at ‘crisis’ level
The S.D. School Superintendents president urges the Legislature to increase K-12 funding.
For as long as I was a student in the Rapid City, South Dakota public school system, I was told that our teachers were paid the least in the nation, so we really shouldn’t be expecting a whole lot from our education.
To give you some figures of salaries:
Rapid City Area Schools
First year teacher with a bachelor’s degree: $30,753
Teacher with master’s degree and 5 years experience: $37,554Campbell County School District, Wyo. (30 miles from Rapid City)
First year teacher with a bachelor’s degree: $46,000
Teacher with master’s degree and 5 years experience: $55,200Obviously, we are losing our teachers to other states far within our geographic reach because of the drastic difference in not only starting salaries, but additionally what is being offered for highly-educated and experienced teachers. Because of this, 238 teaching positions, almost 30 percent of the total number of jobs posted in the spring, remained open across the state well past the end of the school year.
This is a major problem.
I knew I fared much better at Central High School than some of my peers in rural communities across the state. And I’m speaking from a point of privilege here; both of my parents are highly educated and I was able to participate in after-school activities that kept me stimulated, involved, and invested in my future. The violin saved my life and opened up a bright future when it came to applying for scholarships to get out of South Dakota. When I’m asked if I’d ever go back to live in the state the reason my stomach sinks is because I feel strongly that South Dakota is lacking that same bright future. More than half (55%) of students enrolled at Central High School as freshman drop out before graduation.
Comparatively, the national average of high school students reaching graduation was 80% in 2012, it is not difficult to see how drastically South Dakota students are falling woefully behind.
The reality is this is not an issue with consequences isolated to the people of South Dakota. As one of the nation’s leading providers in the agricultural and beef industries, we are in danger of losing not only ranchers and farmers but savvy business people who are our hope for maintaining footholds in family-owned operations. They are putting food in your pantries and dinners on your plates and they deserve better educations, or we all suffer.
I recommend calling the office of Governor Daugaard (605.773.3212) and saying something along the lines of:
Hi, Governor Daugaard. As a concerned citizen I am troubled by the lack of financial support being granted to South Dakota public school teachers. As you know, we are losing a significant percentage of qualified teachers to other states with more competitive salaries and are failing to fill hundreds of teaching positions across the state. As a result, I’m worried for the futures of not only thousands of students all around South Dakota, but the drastic affects an uneducated populous will have on a national level. Let’s not have South Dakota teachers be the paid the lowest in the nation for another consecutive year.
If the phone isn’t for you, you can also submit a form.
Sources:
Argus Leader
Rapid City Journal
US News
Washington Post
My voice: S.D. teacher shortage at ‘crisis’ level
The S.D. School Superintendents president urges the Legislature to increase K-12 funding.
For as long as I was a student in the Rapid City, South Dakota public school system, I was told that our teachers were paid the least in the nation, so we really shouldn’t be expecting a whole lot from our education.
To give you some figures of salaries:
Rapid City Area Schools
First year teacher with a bachelor’s degree: $30,753
Teacher with master’s degree and 5 years experience: $37,554Campbell County School District, Wyo. (30 miles from Rapid City)
First year teacher with a bachelor’s degree: $46,000
Teacher with master’s degree and 5 years experience: $55,200Obviously, we are losing our teachers to other states far within our geographic reach because of the drastic difference in not only starting salaries, but additionally what is being offered for highly-educated and experienced teachers. Because of this, 238 teaching positions, almost 30 percent of the total number of jobs posted in the spring, remained open across the state well past the end of the school year.
This is a major problem.
I knew I fared much better at Central High School than some of my peers in rural communities across the state. And I’m speaking from a point of privilege here; both of my parents are highly educated and I was able to participate in after-school activities that kept me stimulated, involved, and invested in my future. The violin saved my life and opened up a bright future when it came to applying for scholarships to get out of South Dakota. When I’m asked if I’d ever go back to live in the state the reason my stomach sinks is because I feel strongly that South Dakota is lacking that same bright future. More than half (55%) of students enrolled at Central High School as freshman drop out before graduation.
Comparatively, the national average of high school students reaching graduation was 80% in 2012, it is not difficult to see how drastically South Dakota students are falling woefully behind.
The reality is this is not an issue with consequences isolated to the people of South Dakota. As one of the nation’s leading providers in the agricultural and beef industries, we are in danger of losing not only ranchers and farmers but savvy business people who are our hope for maintaining footholds in family-owned operations. They are putting food in your pantries and dinners on your plates and they deserve better educations, or we all suffer.
I recommend calling the office of Governor Daugaard (605.773.3212) and saying something along the lines of:
Hi, Governor Daugaard. As a concerned citizen I am troubled by the lack of financial support being granted to South Dakota public school teachers. As you know, we are losing a significant percentage of qualified teachers to other states with more competitive salaries and are failing to fill hundreds of teaching positions across the state. As a result, I’m worried for the futures of not only thousands of students all around South Dakota, but the drastic affects an uneducated populous will have on a national level. Let’s not have South Dakota teachers be the paid the lowest in the nation for another consecutive year.
If the phone isn’t for you, you can also submit a form.
Sources:
Argus Leader
Rapid City Journal
US News
Washington Post
Proper plating is important when you are at a buffet so you can have a little bit of everything, right?