Kids these days who think that being a bard is just about swinging swords and playing lutes disgust me. Where’s the pizzazz? The showmanship? The seduction??

you ain’t a real bard until you seduce your way out of at least 19 situations that would normally end in combat

You’re not a real bard until you make your DM cry because you seduced the Big Bad that they’ve built up to for 10 sessions

Once a bard friend rolled a 1 for a seduction and ended up killing a girl and tried to hide the body. He was caught, rolled low on deception and they all thought he was fucking her corpse.
He then tried seducing the guards and rolled low again so all the guards had boners while arresting him and the DM had to sideline the entire game and make up a dungeon for the rest of us to get our stupid bard out of.
But we didn’t. So for like 3 nights the DM essentially ran 2 different games, one of us questing without ol’ corpsefucker and then the adventures of corpsefucker: escape from boner castle.

He seduced his way out, naturally.

A true bard

In my current game of D&D, we have “The Music”. As in “it is time to face The Music”. It is a party that consists of a Bard, a Bard, a Ranger, a Barbarian, and a Warlock.
Beyond the obvious, the Ranger (my character) has some bard powers and plays a wicked fiddle. The Barbarian can both dance and play the bagpipes quite well. The Warlock is currently learning how to sing so she can be the front person for our band. Oh yeah, and the lowest charisma in the party is 14, average of 17.

We may not be seducing everything in sight, but we are definitely the bard party. We’ve now successfully intimidated a war party of Efreeti-like beings (which would have crushed us like the bugs we were) via playing bag pipe death metal. We later befriended them via a wall punching contest, but that’s another story.

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